There can be no argument 2020 is a year of change and upheaval. The pandemic has created an environment which forces many of us to reconsider how we live our lives. We have had to examine everything–from the way we work to the way we socialize–to decide if the old methods still serve us. Can we still accomplish all we intend to accomplish in this changing world? More importantly, do those goals still reflect our core values and what we believe to be intrinsically important?
In a sense, the same is true on a national, possibly even global, level. Not only are we faced with the difficult task of evaluating how we manifest our personal truths, our country has reached a pivotal time when we must decide if we should continue the status quo or determine if accepted beliefs and behaviors no longer serve the core ideal of striving to create a more perfect union. The debate over the removal of statues and monuments exemplifies the painful struggle we each face when attempting to evolve into better versions of ourselves. There is an internal argument any time we consider the possibility of change. One part of our brain considers the new opportunities and growth while another struggles to preserve the past and protect that precious status quo.
This is natural. Our brains are programmed to protect us from harm by preventing change which could lead us into dangerous situations. Yet if we are to grow, it is imperative we nurture self-awareness so we may recognize when old beliefs no longer serve us. Just as society creates public monuments as memorials, we construct internal monuments to commemorate or celebrate personal events which caused either great pain or or great joy in some fashion. We use these monuments as guideposts to keep us safe and monitor our journey. In some respects, these monuments serve us well. In others, they prevent us from moving forward on our quest toward satisfaction and fulfillment.
As an example, take the internal monument we create as a representation of our ideal of success. Each of us builds a different monument based on individual values that results in a personal work of art reflecting our version of success. We use this carefully crafted monument as a guide–a touchstone–on which to measure the impact of our behavior. Do our actions lead us toward this ideal, or are we led astray due to inappropriate choices? These monuments essentially act as beacons, lighting the way toward the goals of our choosing.
Internal monuments such as these serve a specific purpose. They guide us toward outcomes we have deemed vital enough to require such markers. Yet what happens when we reach that destination? What do we do with these carefully constructed monuments? Some might say they mark the end of a journey and as such no more action is required upon our part. That may be true for some. For others, however, the arrival at the intended destination may invoke the need for additional reflection. Is this destination really where we wanted to go? Does it provide that same satisfaction and fulfillment we assumed we would find when beginning our journey? Did the definition of our destination quietly change somewhere along the way without our knowledge?
Another example of internal monuments would be ones we erect to commemorate a difficult or dangerous event in our lives. These are the monuments we build to remind ourselves what can happen when we make bad choices. Perhaps we erected a monument in honor of a bad decision that stunted our career. Or maybe it involved a poor choice of relationship partners. Each of us has any number of this type of monument floating inside our heads. We create them using something called our negativity bias. It is a tool used to keep us safe in the status quo. For the most part these monuments serve us well. However, at some point we may be forced to recognize that these monuments no longer protect us. Rather than keeping us safe they now hold us in place, preventing us from evolving into our better selves.
Raising levels of awareness is one of the key ways to determine if these internal or external monuments help or hinder our growth. In the case of the success monument, we must be willing to continually re-evaluate our definition of success as we travel on our journey, making necessary course adjustments along the way. If not, chances are our arrival at the monument will ring hollow and leave many of us unsatisfied once we reach the desired destination.
Those monuments erected by negativity bias and reinforced by negative self-talk can be even more dangerous without a conscious decision to raise self-awareness and recognize them for what they are. These are the beliefs that keep us rooted in the past, protecting the status quo. We need to be able to recognize them for what they are and in some cases topple them if we are to advance in our personal development.
Toppling any monument, whether internal or external, should not be attempted during states of heightened emotion. Choices triggered in reaction to emotional states rarely work out well for anyone. If we heighten awareness to objectively examine the monuments and their origins, we will be better able to determine if these monuments or beliefs still serve us as intended. Increased awareness–or mindfulness–may help us recognize if perhaps these shrines have outlived their usefulness. Such decisions are seldom easy and often painful, but if we topple any monument as a knee-jerk reaction to emotional stimulus, we could very easily find ourselves regretting those actions in the future. Likewise, if we allow those monuments to stand simply because they have always been there, we could be harming ourselves by eliminating the possibility of growth. In both cases, mindful thought is necessary to make appropriate choices.
There are numerous ways to raise personal awareness. Establishing a mindfulness practice is one of the best ways to increase awareness. Mindfulness allows us to observe a situation objectively, in real time, without judgment. Studies show mindfulness practices actually change the physiological make-up of the brain, allowing that portion of the brain responsible for logical thought to expand while shrinking the portion responsible for emotional reactions. These changes make it easier to engage in proactive rather than reactive behavior. Meditation is one of the most powerful mindfulness practices, but there are others.
When it comes time to consider toppling or removing any monument, whether internal or external, it is important to remember that removing those shrines does not erase the history behind them. Just as American patriots toppling the statue of King George III on Bowling Green in 1776 did not erase the origins of our nation from history or our collective consciousness, changing a personal marker of success will not eliminate the first vision of that ideal. Rather, that vision grows and changes as we do, and that original monument can be safely stored as a reminder of what came before.
Try as we sometimes might, it is impossible to erase history, personal or otherwise. We cannot change what occurred in the past. However, through increased awareness we do have the ability to expand our understanding of past events. With any luck, we can use that understanding in our quest to create more perfect versions of ourselves.
Chris Griffin is an executive coach with over twenty-five years’ experience in corporate senior management. With an understanding of the corporate mindset, business owners’ trials, and human psychology, Chris helps his clients navigate and leverage change within the different stages of their lives and careers. He holds a master’s degree in organizational psychology and certifications in both wellness coaching and workplace wellness.